“…there was yet no joy in his heart. Dreams and restless thoughts came flowing to him from the river, from the twinkling stars at night, from the sun’s melting rays. Dreams and a restlessness of the soul came to him…”
As a growing adolescent, the message from this quote is appealing. Everything about me is changing as I think more, learn more and act more. Physically and mentally, this part of life acts as a crucial metamorphosis which will bring forth a lasting transformation. Through my brain ideas contemplate with each other and bicker endlessly for a chance at permanent placement. Everyday includes a new reflection, a new concept, or a new opinion. Like the river from which Siddhartha’s restlessness came, I too posses a torrent of thoughts which torment me and deceive me. Within these thoughts lies criticism. Criticism which fills my eyes and all I see, all I see seems wrong. The world appears to function well and smoothly but its many flaws taunt me as if I were the only one to point them out. Encircled by plastic followers with a disdain for originality, I feel pressured to give in and often quarrel within myself to seek the truth.
The reality of life exists with too many blurred definitions to be an actually legitimate reality. Dreaming about a better society and a better life never cheers me up but hope still remains in my heart. Hope that one day I can live persistently with love and happiness. As sappy as this may all sound, it is my truth and without it I would be nowhere fast. Neither religion nor logic can guide me, for I have seen too much wrong from both through my life. Reason and morality will solely bring good for me and I will desert them for nothing. Although I am reasonable, ethical and exhibit patience I still cannot keep my composure when dealing with the future.
Anticipation for the future kills me more than anything. The majority of my time thinking is spent on how and why to live. Sometimes I think that I tend to be impatient and grow desire to rush ahead. I feel like I have all aspects of my young part of life figured out and that I have to move on to bigger and better things. However, the future scares me because of the plethora of variables and different outcomes which are included in the equation. I consume most of my own thoughts, which looks conceited from an outside view and also confuses me even further. Miscellaneous thoughts constantly imported and exported from my head as if I was a trade center for a highly populated urban city. My dreams dissipate before I get a chance to remember their faint and faded details. My body shuts down and begs for mercy because it’s in need of rest for the week to come. My emotions fluctuate like a signal light without any predictable direction. Although all changes and everything become corrupt, my heart stays the same. I will always be loyal and trustworthy for my friends and family. My heart and soul is with them for my life would not have much meaning without them and many events could have not been possible.
Life goes on and things change but love goes on forever. Whether my theories are true or only speculation, I can only hope to find out and experience what I want to with them by my side. I shall master my thoughts and grow in mind, body and spirit.
